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SO.
I no longer regularly indulged in my rants via xanga, as you may of noticed.
though I hope that this site stays around so I can look back here, many
years from now, and see the unnecessarily awesome I was (sarcasm).
And I saw look back bc I probably wont be having a personal computer for the next 4 years.
That's right. I took the plunge, head first (like I do in all my endeavors).
I, Benjamin Jacob Webers, have join the Marine Corps.
I ship out July 24th, 2006.
so tell me how must you love me.
-Danger-
USMC
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris
can kill him and take it.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you
may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the
information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says,
"Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he
roundhouse kicks you in the
face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II"
video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do
a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
"That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and
took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of
the month.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a
picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to
pay taxes ever.
Filming on location for Walker:
Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged
beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd
had gathered,
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the
crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he
taketh away.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted,
"HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
fuck with
Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the
irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred
mile radius of
the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the
gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The
other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse
kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck
Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30
minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people
anyway.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in
a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany.
Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only
undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a
high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees
to
let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
roundhoused
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
proceeded to bang
every girl in the stadium.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is
gay, but
because he has run out of women.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in
disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth
from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This
was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail
his family does not die from cholera
or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He
always makes it to Oregon
before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
At my sweet bachelor pad many years from now, I will have only one picture
hanging over my mantle….
point
made.
-Danger-
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Dear Rugby,
Though we have only just met, I must admit my feeling for
you are great. At first, I was uncertain about how you and I would get along,
but now it is quite clear- I love you. Your crazy rules, your hard hits, and
your strangely odd shaped ball might be seen as imperfections to some, but to
me these little quirks just make me love you more. You have you quenched my
animalistic appetite and hushed my carnal rage, and for that: I thank you. In next few months I look forward to the
blood, pain, and sweat that we will share together and I will know in my heart
that it is for a true cause.
I find much difficulty in explaining your greatness to others but I believe the
following is the closest account to what you true represent:
“In our country, true
teams rarely exist ... social barriers and personal ambitions have reduced
athletes to dissolute cliques or individuals thrown together for mutual profit
... Yet these rugby players, with their muddied, cracked bodies, are struggling
to hold onto a sense of humanity that we in America have lost and are unlikely
to regain. The game may only be to move a ball forward on a dirt field, but the
task can be accomplished with an unshackled joy and its memories will be a
permanent delight. The women and men who play on that rugby field are more
alive than too many of us will ever be. The foolish emptiness we think we
perceive in their existence is only our own." - Victor Cahn
A friend may bruise your body, but only a best friend… can bruise your soul.
Salutations,
BenDangerWebers
In honor of you, Rugby, I have created this awe-inspiring photo
montage.
This is no time for ease and comfort. It is
time to dare and endure.
/edit/
Plano Rugby Team vs. Plano
Rugby Alumni
Sunday, December 17th @ 3:00pm
the Schimelpfenig Middle School backfields
2400 Maumelle Dr. Plano, TX 75023
On Independence
between Spring Creek and Legacy
come to for the game, stay for the devastation
Pray for Us
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Today we salute you,
Mr. Push-Up Bra Inventor
shhhhhhhhhh
just. listen.
-Danger-
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